Beginning of this year, I had been talking to a very pretty boy online and via text. The first two dates we had set we had to cancel due to bad weather and the fact that he would have to drive from NJ. Finally we met up, and he was not only quite tall and ridiculously skinny, but had quite feminine features. Everywhere we went, waiters would immediately say "Ladies...oh whoops!" We flirted heavily while texting one evening; he brought along a friend on a date (?), then was bitching about why I wouldn't make out with him at the bar. I laughed, "I'm not a fan of making out in public, and I've been the third wheel on nights out too many times. I didn't want to make your friend uncomfortable. AND WHY DID YOU BRING HIM?!"
The next weekend we finally were alone. He also still lived at home, despite being closer to 30 than anyone I've dated before or since. Pretty disappointing all 'round, and I'm just gonna leave it at that. A couple days later he texts and says "I don't see romance in the picture." After waiting 10 minutes and letting my head process everything, I responded "I agree, but who said anything about romance anyway?" Looking back now, I wonder what I found attractive - I like my pretty-boy rock stars, but DAMN this guy put them all to shame, and that's even without him wearing makeup. We also had barely anything in common, so I have no idea how we kept talking for close to 2 months. He's in a metal band, and that has NEVER been my scene.
Next was a nerdy boy who seemed rather interesting, and we geeked out over foreign films. Then he took me to a dance night where I happened to meet a number of his friends. They immediately took a liking to me. While listening to the band at the club, my date put his arms around me, which was lovely. Then we started dancing...and making out. Suddenly he says "Come home with me." I was supposed to have work the next day, but it was already 12:30 am and I'd need to get the bus and then have my mom pick me up. The bane of living in the suburbs. So I asked "Where do you live?" He was only a few blocks away. I called my supervisor and feigned illness. Decided there's a first time for everything. However, he failed to be "prepared". Ahem. His excuse: "You said you're on the Pill, right? I don't use condoms with girls I'm dating if they're on the pill." I stared at him and crossly stated, "Fine and dandy. I guess I understand that reasoning...BUT I AIN'T YOUR GIRLFRIEND." Tsk tsk.
Yet he still let me stay over til late the next day, considering we were up til like 5 AM. I didn't leave til about 3, since we were on and off sleeping. A couple of days later he called to ask if I wanted to go see a singer/songwriter. Then he was awkward the next week, suddenly saying "I'm not ready for a relationship" which again, I had never expressly asked for. Then we go to see a band that he had gotten me into, and says "I met someone the same time as you, and I've seen her more often, so...don't let that stop you from hanging out with So-and-So, they're cool." This group of friends I'd met on our first date had become fond of me quickly, inviting me to parties. Sure enough, the next week after this falling-out, those friends asked me what happened - and said "We're not even close with him anyway. He's kind of a twerp." Here it is 7 months later, I've spent lots of time with this group of people - and NEVER run into him. It's awesome. All I've heard about his lady is that they look A LOT alike, to the point where it's Narcissus trying to kiss his reflection. Bizarre.
Meanwhile, that brings us to the present: last week I again had 3 dates with 3 different boys - for the 4th time this year. (All the other boys I haven't spoken of weren't even WORTH mentioning. The end.) One of the most recent guys is very much into me, to the point of kissing me on the cheek before I hopped on the train. More affection than I've received in quite some time, so that was shocking. T. and I are still trying to hang out again, though with him working retail around the holidays, this may be hard to organize. Of COURSE when we start hanging out again he has to work on weekends; not like earlier this year when I'm stupidly hung up on the totally wrong dudes, and T. was completely available all the time. Oh fate/coincidence, you get in the way sometimes!
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I'm no longer analyzing every second of a date to figure out how or why it didn't blossom into anything. Too many people have told me you just KNOW when you meet someone special, and it's simply that I haven't yet. But the fact that I've had at least 12 different guys ask me out this year is definitely a first, so I'm doing SOMETHING right as opposed to the last few years...!
NEXT TIME: Onward to a Not-Just-Dating entry - red flags for you single girls online; the importance of being busy; and the concept of "Restless Mind Syndrome".
Friday, November 25, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
How to Simultaneously Casually-Date AND Be Exclusive with the Same Person
I've joked that my theme song should just be "Summer Lovin'" from Grease, since the summer is the only time I have somebody steady so far in my dating life. This year, it was K. He was like my frat boy/hipster "boyfriend" (i.e. drinking was involved in the majority of our dates, and he was faux-sensitive.)
Our first 3 dates were fantastic, even though they were extremely casual. Maybe that's what I liked about them. He made me laugh like very few people do - to the point of tears. Went for drinks, and he invited me to the house that he was watching and dogsitting (for a wealthy couple down toward South Street). Met a couple of his friends, played Wii, blared music, and just talked. Stayed over, and I walked him to work where he kissed me before I went off to my mom's office. Surprisingly he called me the next day and we talked for a couple of hours. Next day was Easter, he texted to check in and asked if I wanted to meet him the next day after he was off work to hang at the dogsitting house. We watched the Phillies lose on TV, started watching a movie and immediately got distracted.
Spent the majority of the next day together, going to breakfast (where he decided he needed to tell me his entire romantic history...retrograde RED FLAG!), hanging out, and again he kissed me before hopping on the trolley to his apartment. Then the NEXT night called to say he didn't have work the following day; did I want to stay over? I of course did. So I arrived, and the second I entered his room it started POURING outside. We started by watching "Purple Rain" as it had become a source of hilarity between us.
A short while later, being shy to ask "are we dating or what" (but figuring, accurately, that I WAS the only girl he was seeing since he was working otherwise), I offhandedly asked "So...ARE you seeing anyone else?" He said no, I said the same, and didn't push the issue. Two days later we had a crazy evening of barhopping where I got a little sloppy, but we had LOTS of fun. He suddenly says "Thinking about what you said the other day - "
(And here my mind immediately went to worst-case scenario, "HE'SALREADYBREAKINGTHISOFFOHGODWHY")
"-I'm having fun, I like you, and I want to be exclusive. What do you think?" I thought for a second and went "Uhhhh, yes!" Thus began and ended the only serious convo we had as "a couple".
That weekend he didn't exactly prove himself as a boyfriend. Long story short, we somehow ended up at a titty bar. Thanks to his friend who was dating one of the dancers. And a girl immediately gave him a lapdance, which he could've easily avoided if he just stuffed money in her bra, and I could've also said "No honey, I can do the same for free. BYE." Apparently me sitting in his lap wasn't obvious enough to her to leave us alone. So I can now say I've been to a titty bar, but I'm still not a fan. Although one of the girls was very impressed with my pool skills, while K. continually called me "Paul Newman" the whole evening since I was making trick shots. Later on while hanging out with a seedy character the boys were too drunk to avoid talking to (while I developed some salty language talking to him, that wasn't enough to get this guy away) - K. suddenly refers to me as his "P.Y.T." (Pretty Young Thing). I sat up with a start, not expecting the cutesy nicknames already. He also already had called me his "Special Lady Friend". I honestly preferred those to anything sappier and certainly more fun than just plain old "girlfriend".
Next couple of weeks were pretty great, between him coming home with me to meet my folks (and the added bonus of sharing a full bed rather than a twin), then bringing him to karaoke to meet one of my friends - and K. brought the house down with Backstreet Boys' "Everybody". Then he was gone for about a week to visit his sister, and upon his return we suddenly felt a bit closer again...and then I was getting annoyed with him. I started to feel that we were past this "honeymoon" phase, and now it was the "What now?" phase. I'm always nervous since I never make it past that point. Sure enough, I get mad at him for changing our date plans at the last minute and again going with what his friends want to do (in this case: drinking in Rittenhouse at 5 PM.) I got sick for the first time in 4 years from drinking, which he teased me about - "We went barhopping, 3 mojitos, a rum and coke, and you didn't get sick!" And I reminded him that on our first date, he was sick at one point from drinking a single 40. LAME. A couple days later, he calls and says "So...how do you feel about us?" While I wasn't feeling great about "us", I wanted to be the one to bring it up, dammit! I still got upset even though I kinda was ready for this fling to end. I basically said it was fun, but we've hit that plateau, and I wasn't happy with how he didn't really keep my tastes in mind. His excuse was that he didn't know what to call me. I replied that I liked his nicknames for me, but if you don't see me as something serious...Next day we still had lunch and drinks, just to tie up some loose ends as it were. Lately I've seen that the slow-growing mustache he was working on is UGGGGLLLLY now; his sister has even referred to him as "fucking hipster".
We never said the L word, so I think that's why this didn't sting when we split - it was also mutual. BIG DIFFERENCE. Two of my closest friends, upon hearing about it, said the following:
1. "Well, it sounds like you had lots of fun...but I don't see romance here." Insert my "AHA!" moment of why I wasn't upset with us splitting.
2. "Think of it like an 'exclusive friends-with-benefits' thing. Not really passionate, but at least you cared enough to be monogamous. And you learned what? That fun is necessary for a partner, but also MATURITY. You still want a serious relationship." Thus she pointed out the flaw in almost everyone I've gotten somewhat involved with - they're always fun and active in some form, but definitely lacking in something important.
WHAT I LEARNED: I can be with somebody casually, though exclusivity is mandatory in my mind. While guys like girls who can be laid-back and "go with the flow", I can't be like that all the time in every situation.
NEXT TIME: Again, backtracking to guys from earlier this year. Realizing why I never liked goth guys; would-be nerds can be douchey too; and making unexpected friends through bad dates.
Our first 3 dates were fantastic, even though they were extremely casual. Maybe that's what I liked about them. He made me laugh like very few people do - to the point of tears. Went for drinks, and he invited me to the house that he was watching and dogsitting (for a wealthy couple down toward South Street). Met a couple of his friends, played Wii, blared music, and just talked. Stayed over, and I walked him to work where he kissed me before I went off to my mom's office. Surprisingly he called me the next day and we talked for a couple of hours. Next day was Easter, he texted to check in and asked if I wanted to meet him the next day after he was off work to hang at the dogsitting house. We watched the Phillies lose on TV, started watching a movie and immediately got distracted.
Spent the majority of the next day together, going to breakfast (where he decided he needed to tell me his entire romantic history...retrograde RED FLAG!), hanging out, and again he kissed me before hopping on the trolley to his apartment. Then the NEXT night called to say he didn't have work the following day; did I want to stay over? I of course did. So I arrived, and the second I entered his room it started POURING outside. We started by watching "Purple Rain" as it had become a source of hilarity between us.
A short while later, being shy to ask "are we dating or what" (but figuring, accurately, that I WAS the only girl he was seeing since he was working otherwise), I offhandedly asked "So...ARE you seeing anyone else?" He said no, I said the same, and didn't push the issue. Two days later we had a crazy evening of barhopping where I got a little sloppy, but we had LOTS of fun. He suddenly says "Thinking about what you said the other day - "
(And here my mind immediately went to worst-case scenario, "HE'SALREADYBREAKINGTHISOFFOHGODWHY")
"-I'm having fun, I like you, and I want to be exclusive. What do you think?" I thought for a second and went "Uhhhh, yes!" Thus began and ended the only serious convo we had as "a couple".
That weekend he didn't exactly prove himself as a boyfriend. Long story short, we somehow ended up at a titty bar. Thanks to his friend who was dating one of the dancers. And a girl immediately gave him a lapdance, which he could've easily avoided if he just stuffed money in her bra, and I could've also said "No honey, I can do the same for free. BYE." Apparently me sitting in his lap wasn't obvious enough to her to leave us alone. So I can now say I've been to a titty bar, but I'm still not a fan. Although one of the girls was very impressed with my pool skills, while K. continually called me "Paul Newman" the whole evening since I was making trick shots. Later on while hanging out with a seedy character the boys were too drunk to avoid talking to (while I developed some salty language talking to him, that wasn't enough to get this guy away) - K. suddenly refers to me as his "P.Y.T." (Pretty Young Thing). I sat up with a start, not expecting the cutesy nicknames already. He also already had called me his "Special Lady Friend". I honestly preferred those to anything sappier and certainly more fun than just plain old "girlfriend".
Next couple of weeks were pretty great, between him coming home with me to meet my folks (and the added bonus of sharing a full bed rather than a twin), then bringing him to karaoke to meet one of my friends - and K. brought the house down with Backstreet Boys' "Everybody". Then he was gone for about a week to visit his sister, and upon his return we suddenly felt a bit closer again...and then I was getting annoyed with him. I started to feel that we were past this "honeymoon" phase, and now it was the "What now?" phase. I'm always nervous since I never make it past that point. Sure enough, I get mad at him for changing our date plans at the last minute and again going with what his friends want to do (in this case: drinking in Rittenhouse at 5 PM.) I got sick for the first time in 4 years from drinking, which he teased me about - "We went barhopping, 3 mojitos, a rum and coke, and you didn't get sick!" And I reminded him that on our first date, he was sick at one point from drinking a single 40. LAME. A couple days later, he calls and says "So...how do you feel about us?" While I wasn't feeling great about "us", I wanted to be the one to bring it up, dammit! I still got upset even though I kinda was ready for this fling to end. I basically said it was fun, but we've hit that plateau, and I wasn't happy with how he didn't really keep my tastes in mind. His excuse was that he didn't know what to call me. I replied that I liked his nicknames for me, but if you don't see me as something serious...Next day we still had lunch and drinks, just to tie up some loose ends as it were. Lately I've seen that the slow-growing mustache he was working on is UGGGGLLLLY now; his sister has even referred to him as "fucking hipster".
We never said the L word, so I think that's why this didn't sting when we split - it was also mutual. BIG DIFFERENCE. Two of my closest friends, upon hearing about it, said the following:
1. "Well, it sounds like you had lots of fun...but I don't see romance here." Insert my "AHA!" moment of why I wasn't upset with us splitting.
2. "Think of it like an 'exclusive friends-with-benefits' thing. Not really passionate, but at least you cared enough to be monogamous. And you learned what? That fun is necessary for a partner, but also MATURITY. You still want a serious relationship." Thus she pointed out the flaw in almost everyone I've gotten somewhat involved with - they're always fun and active in some form, but definitely lacking in something important.
WHAT I LEARNED: I can be with somebody casually, though exclusivity is mandatory in my mind. While guys like girls who can be laid-back and "go with the flow", I can't be like that all the time in every situation.
NEXT TIME: Again, backtracking to guys from earlier this year. Realizing why I never liked goth guys; would-be nerds can be douchey too; and making unexpected friends through bad dates.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
"You have to pay to date? That's called an ESCORT SERVICE."
Back to my "dating advice", pithy as it may be...while C. tries to string me along even after breaking up, I try dating new people. Nobody really catches my attention; takes me a good 4 months to actually GO OUT with someone else.
Awkward date, but what's funny about this guy is that more than a year later, when I am fully aware that he has a steady girlfriend (and the sort of girlfriend who CONSTANTLY writes on his Facebook wall "You're the best thing that ever happened to me, baby!"), he messages me to say hi, and on my birthday. Pleasant enough. However, he somehow transitions into saying "I can't stop thinking about you since we stopped in the Betsy Ross House [note: he and gf had stopped by, not knowing I'd be there a few months earlier.] You're really hot. And uh, we have an open relationship...I'd like you to be part of it."
My reply: "I'm flattered, but uh, I really like to be the only lady in a relationship...this kinda deal is not my style. Besides, seeing how sappy you and girlfriend are, is there even ROOM for a third person?!" So random. And if you saw this guy, your first reaction would not have been "Oh, creeper!" But then maybe it proves the cliche, "The quiet ones are who you need to watch out for."
I struggle through trying to cut my ties to C., or at least I SAY I was trying to cut them - really I should've bitten the bullet and just stopped going on Skype, deleted him out of my phone and IM...and Facebook...so all possible lines and temptations would be dropped. On a related note, I can't stand relationship manuals a la "He's Just Not That Into You", but I'm paraphrasing the line Drew Barrymore says in the film version: "There's so many ways now for a guy to ignore you! Technology sucks!" It's really true.
Got set up on a blind date that was ok, but he was annoying. Apparently I'm the only person he's met who has thought about getting her MA but didn't go straight into grad school after undergrad. He did prove to me though that in this shitty economy, at this point it barely matters what your MA is in; just as long as you have one. His example - undergrad in chemistry, MA in history of music...working at the water company. See? Pointless MA, except he's probably paid well.
One of my co-workers had consistently told me that the best way to get over someone was to make out with someone new. It at least refocuses your attention. Boy was she right! More than a year after breaking up with C., I had a second date with someone that was semi-promising and kinda whirlwind (in that I didn't know I was that attractive to him) - and we had a crazy makeout fest in his apartment. I stayed over, nothing more happened, but I was secretly ecstatic that all that frustration was out of my system and I felt FREE. Cuddles don't hurt either. Yet boys will be boys, and I guess he was pissed that I wouldn't sleep with him. So he flipped out a couple days later and I was upset for exactly 5 minutes, before realizing that my heart wasn't heavy anymore, I felt more light on my feet, and how much all that "first love" bullshit is true - it really stays with you regardless of how long it lasted. But once there's someone new...the heartbreak fades. Time to get back out there!
So I finally make a profile on Match.com, just to see if there's anybody more serious than the booty-calls I consistently received on OKCupid. I'd always snubbed the idea before, not agreeing with the concept of "paying to date" (thus the title of this post.) I suddenly noticed a boy that kept popping up on my searches on OKCupid, and we kept looking at each others' profiles but hadn't talked yet - so I messaged him and said "Hey! Fancy seeing you here." Next thing I know, he'd IM'd me on OKCupid. We immediately hit it off, laughing, talking about music, movies, pop culture...you know, dumb stuff. But then we had in-depth convos about politics, something I had certainly never talked about with C. Forget that, with C., we barely had the same music taste, which is usually my go-to topic. Anyway, this new boy, T., messages me every day that week, and finally asks me out for the following weekend. We go out to the art museum (my favorite, obviously), then out to sushi (again...), and he drives me to the train station. I go in to hug, and he sneaks a kiss which I didn't expect. I laugh and look at him, and he smiles "I wanted to see if I could get away with it". Charmed, I hug him again and sneak-attack a kiss in return. I winked and got out of the car, skipping into the station.
Looking back, I wonder what was so attractive about me that day - I wasn't particularly dressed up, just in jeans, my Duran Duran "Rio" tee (as we bonded over that album), hoodie and flats. I was kind of a basketcase, still getting over my previous issues and still being nervous on a promising date - but T. was and is a good listener. Our second date was fantastic the next weekend, where he took me to a hookah bar and I got up to dance with the belly-dancer. Then we just hung out at his place watching "Always Sunny in Philadelphia" DVDs, Youtube clips...and having amazing makeout sessions. Then we didn't see each other for a good six months due to a number of unforeseen circumstances, namely that his father became seriously ill and a relationship wasn't in the radar. Stupidly I was selfish and was hurt; it wasn't anything against me. Anyway, we saw each other again this past April, hit it off without kisses. Just having fun hanging out and talking. Then over the past month we've hung out three times, all without being alone (ahem). But at least it's been ACTUAL DATES (dinner/wandering around the city; dinner & a movie; dinner & a hayride), in that we're going places that don't always involve drinking and then just going home. While I do still really like him and I should just be the aggressor, in case he's not aware of my attraction - I was aggressive last year after our makeout fests. That didn't work out. And now he's living at home, working retail, doing a certificate program (as I'm finishing mine), life not really working out as he'd like...I'm just being friendly and awesome. But he HAS shown interest in coming out to my house to hang out. So we'll see what happens.
WHAT I LEARNED: While it's socially acceptable now for ladies to be the aggressor in a potential relationship, we also have to look at the whole picture of what's going on - i.e. what else is our boytoy up to in life? Parental issues, work frustrations, and so forth that may force them to not have a girl involved? Just be cool, and look, a year later, we're back on the same page. Even more so, perhaps.
NEXT TIME: Backtracking a bit to everybody this year. In short - short-term goth boy; making friends through one-off hookups; some more "Summer Lovin'" without the "love" but all the fun...mostly.
Awkward date, but what's funny about this guy is that more than a year later, when I am fully aware that he has a steady girlfriend (and the sort of girlfriend who CONSTANTLY writes on his Facebook wall "You're the best thing that ever happened to me, baby!"), he messages me to say hi, and on my birthday. Pleasant enough. However, he somehow transitions into saying "I can't stop thinking about you since we stopped in the Betsy Ross House [note: he and gf had stopped by, not knowing I'd be there a few months earlier.] You're really hot. And uh, we have an open relationship...I'd like you to be part of it."
My reply: "I'm flattered, but uh, I really like to be the only lady in a relationship...this kinda deal is not my style. Besides, seeing how sappy you and girlfriend are, is there even ROOM for a third person?!" So random. And if you saw this guy, your first reaction would not have been "Oh, creeper!" But then maybe it proves the cliche, "The quiet ones are who you need to watch out for."
I struggle through trying to cut my ties to C., or at least I SAY I was trying to cut them - really I should've bitten the bullet and just stopped going on Skype, deleted him out of my phone and IM...and Facebook...so all possible lines and temptations would be dropped. On a related note, I can't stand relationship manuals a la "He's Just Not That Into You", but I'm paraphrasing the line Drew Barrymore says in the film version: "There's so many ways now for a guy to ignore you! Technology sucks!" It's really true.
Got set up on a blind date that was ok, but he was annoying. Apparently I'm the only person he's met who has thought about getting her MA but didn't go straight into grad school after undergrad. He did prove to me though that in this shitty economy, at this point it barely matters what your MA is in; just as long as you have one. His example - undergrad in chemistry, MA in history of music...working at the water company. See? Pointless MA, except he's probably paid well.
One of my co-workers had consistently told me that the best way to get over someone was to make out with someone new. It at least refocuses your attention. Boy was she right! More than a year after breaking up with C., I had a second date with someone that was semi-promising and kinda whirlwind (in that I didn't know I was that attractive to him) - and we had a crazy makeout fest in his apartment. I stayed over, nothing more happened, but I was secretly ecstatic that all that frustration was out of my system and I felt FREE. Cuddles don't hurt either. Yet boys will be boys, and I guess he was pissed that I wouldn't sleep with him. So he flipped out a couple days later and I was upset for exactly 5 minutes, before realizing that my heart wasn't heavy anymore, I felt more light on my feet, and how much all that "first love" bullshit is true - it really stays with you regardless of how long it lasted. But once there's someone new...the heartbreak fades. Time to get back out there!
So I finally make a profile on Match.com, just to see if there's anybody more serious than the booty-calls I consistently received on OKCupid. I'd always snubbed the idea before, not agreeing with the concept of "paying to date" (thus the title of this post.) I suddenly noticed a boy that kept popping up on my searches on OKCupid, and we kept looking at each others' profiles but hadn't talked yet - so I messaged him and said "Hey! Fancy seeing you here." Next thing I know, he'd IM'd me on OKCupid. We immediately hit it off, laughing, talking about music, movies, pop culture...you know, dumb stuff. But then we had in-depth convos about politics, something I had certainly never talked about with C. Forget that, with C., we barely had the same music taste, which is usually my go-to topic. Anyway, this new boy, T., messages me every day that week, and finally asks me out for the following weekend. We go out to the art museum (my favorite, obviously), then out to sushi (again...), and he drives me to the train station. I go in to hug, and he sneaks a kiss which I didn't expect. I laugh and look at him, and he smiles "I wanted to see if I could get away with it". Charmed, I hug him again and sneak-attack a kiss in return. I winked and got out of the car, skipping into the station.
Looking back, I wonder what was so attractive about me that day - I wasn't particularly dressed up, just in jeans, my Duran Duran "Rio" tee (as we bonded over that album), hoodie and flats. I was kind of a basketcase, still getting over my previous issues and still being nervous on a promising date - but T. was and is a good listener. Our second date was fantastic the next weekend, where he took me to a hookah bar and I got up to dance with the belly-dancer. Then we just hung out at his place watching "Always Sunny in Philadelphia" DVDs, Youtube clips...and having amazing makeout sessions. Then we didn't see each other for a good six months due to a number of unforeseen circumstances, namely that his father became seriously ill and a relationship wasn't in the radar. Stupidly I was selfish and was hurt; it wasn't anything against me. Anyway, we saw each other again this past April, hit it off without kisses. Just having fun hanging out and talking. Then over the past month we've hung out three times, all without being alone (ahem). But at least it's been ACTUAL DATES (dinner/wandering around the city; dinner & a movie; dinner & a hayride), in that we're going places that don't always involve drinking and then just going home. While I do still really like him and I should just be the aggressor, in case he's not aware of my attraction - I was aggressive last year after our makeout fests. That didn't work out. And now he's living at home, working retail, doing a certificate program (as I'm finishing mine), life not really working out as he'd like...I'm just being friendly and awesome. But he HAS shown interest in coming out to my house to hang out. So we'll see what happens.
WHAT I LEARNED: While it's socially acceptable now for ladies to be the aggressor in a potential relationship, we also have to look at the whole picture of what's going on - i.e. what else is our boytoy up to in life? Parental issues, work frustrations, and so forth that may force them to not have a girl involved? Just be cool, and look, a year later, we're back on the same page. Even more so, perhaps.
NEXT TIME: Backtracking a bit to everybody this year. In short - short-term goth boy; making friends through one-off hookups; some more "Summer Lovin'" without the "love" but all the fun...mostly.
Monday, September 12, 2011
There are no boxes for us!
As inspired by my darling TheTsaritsaSez, who asked for a post about a life passion and what we've done in going after it...it may seem rather broad and cliched to say, but art in all its forms would be my answer. Music (with a jazz musician father, it's hard to ignore that influence); the visual arts (HELLO ART HISTORY MAJOR); film (c'mon, we're modern kids who all grew up with color TV and movies); literature too, but not *quite* as influential as the others to me.
My CD collection. This is not including my ridiculous amount of mp3s and minimal vinyl. As I mentioned, my father is a jazz musician, so music was and is always played around the house - most likely while I was in the womb, my dad was playing Miles Davis and/or John Coltrane to my mom's belly through headphones. Growing up, my taste has ranged from '30s blues to Franz Ferdinand; "Singin' in the Rain" to the Sex Pistols; Kate Bush to Afrika Bambaataa - and everything in-between. I really appreciate well thought-out lyrics, probably because I am not a fabulous poet, and lyrics are poems set to music after all. Thus Bryan Ferry's lyrics always mean something to me, since I feel that IF I could write lyrics, his would be the sort I'd write: pop-culture-referencing, sentimental without being sappy, sometimes irreverent...and so when I met him, I was especially proud of myself that I didn't get speechless.
Speaking of Ferry, I mentioned to him that I'd read he had originally gone to art school for art history, the article I found right after being accepted for the Art History program at Temple. (He then exclaimed how much he loved the Philadelphia Museum of Art when I replied to his query about where I went to school. We're both Duchamp geeks, naturally.) When everyone started discussing what to go to school for, around 11th grade, I went into a slight panic since I had no idea what to do. Then I thought about what had always taken up brain space: the arts. Even in my 9th grade Honors course I had done a big project about Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel and loved researching about it. 6 1/2 years later, I was writing another big research paper about the actual painting process of the Sistine Chapel...and seeing it in person in Rome.
Prints I currently have hanging up - top picture shows Klimt's "the Kiss", Duchamp's "Nude Descending a Staircase No. 2", and Warhol's famous "In the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes" quote. The Man Ray print is a new purchase - I was drawn to it since the main figure seems to be inspired by those wooden figurine bendy models. Hmm, words don't like me today. One of these:
My couple of main bookcases. Still making my way through all of these, since I get sidetracked by rereading the same ones again and again. (See Craig Ferguson's "Between the Bridge and the River", Norton Juster's "the Phantom Tollbooth" [it's not JUST a kid's book], Mikhail Bulgakov's "the Master & Margarita", Walter Tevis' "The Man Who Fell to Earth", and pretty much all the memoirs.)
And film...where to start...I don't even know. Currently I'm watching a variety of things - between foreign films, gangster flicks, and camp classics mostly. But I'm so glad I found this poster for cheap online.
Lastly, drawing. I don't do it everyday, but once in a while I find inspiration and this is my latest creation. Grace Jones is sort of one of my heroines now.
Job-wise, currently even while at my temp job I'm researching more artsy-based positions. Thinking about consulting (thanks to a random run-in on the street with someone who overheard me talking about grant-writing), but don't know how to break in; tomorrow I start more non-profit fundraising classes, so I'm interrogating the teacher about what to do. I'm applying for educational, art gallery/museum-oriented, advertising, and archival jobs almost daily - not giving up! If it becomes completely hopeless without further education, then I already know I want to study overseas for my MA. No matter what happens, I'm passionate about being somewhere(s) art-based.
Any of you particularly influenced by some form of art on a daily basis, or artistic yourselves?
My CD collection. This is not including my ridiculous amount of mp3s and minimal vinyl. As I mentioned, my father is a jazz musician, so music was and is always played around the house - most likely while I was in the womb, my dad was playing Miles Davis and/or John Coltrane to my mom's belly through headphones. Growing up, my taste has ranged from '30s blues to Franz Ferdinand; "Singin' in the Rain" to the Sex Pistols; Kate Bush to Afrika Bambaataa - and everything in-between. I really appreciate well thought-out lyrics, probably because I am not a fabulous poet, and lyrics are poems set to music after all. Thus Bryan Ferry's lyrics always mean something to me, since I feel that IF I could write lyrics, his would be the sort I'd write: pop-culture-referencing, sentimental without being sappy, sometimes irreverent...and so when I met him, I was especially proud of myself that I didn't get speechless.
Speaking of Ferry, I mentioned to him that I'd read he had originally gone to art school for art history, the article I found right after being accepted for the Art History program at Temple. (He then exclaimed how much he loved the Philadelphia Museum of Art when I replied to his query about where I went to school. We're both Duchamp geeks, naturally.) When everyone started discussing what to go to school for, around 11th grade, I went into a slight panic since I had no idea what to do. Then I thought about what had always taken up brain space: the arts. Even in my 9th grade Honors course I had done a big project about Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel and loved researching about it. 6 1/2 years later, I was writing another big research paper about the actual painting process of the Sistine Chapel...and seeing it in person in Rome.
Job-wise, currently even while at my temp job I'm researching more artsy-based positions. Thinking about consulting (thanks to a random run-in on the street with someone who overheard me talking about grant-writing), but don't know how to break in; tomorrow I start more non-profit fundraising classes, so I'm interrogating the teacher about what to do. I'm applying for educational, art gallery/museum-oriented, advertising, and archival jobs almost daily - not giving up! If it becomes completely hopeless without further education, then I already know I want to study overseas for my MA. No matter what happens, I'm passionate about being somewhere(s) art-based.
Any of you particularly influenced by some form of art on a daily basis, or artistic yourselves?
Sunday, August 21, 2011
The Blurs of Summer, Part 2
Well my lovely readers, I hope you all have had a fabulous summer; can you believe it's already coming to a close? Since starting to put this "drama" and insanity down in SOME form apart from my diary and from talking my gal pals' ears off in philosophizing, I have to say, this is incredibly therapeutic. I hope it's helping someone else too! That being said, I'm gonna speed up on these stories since I've spent enough brainpower on these silly boys. Don't need to waste a ton more webspace!
Not having seen C. in close to 3 weeks was killing me after having 3 intense "dates". My co-workers teased and were excited for me, since they knew this was my first recurring date-partner/sorta-boyfriend. Since he said he wouldn't be into town til closer to 6 and I was done at 5, I figured I'd get the El and change my clothes in Suburban Station before waiting in the park. Yet when I left the courtyard at work and started to turn down the street to the El, who should be waiting outside?
The rest of the time was our typical "date" - making out in public, laughing a lot. I asked if he wanted to come to my house the next night when I was home from work, since then on Sunday I didn't have to go anywhere. The answer was yes.
Again, the next day was crazy. We ate real quick, and he asked if there was anywhere nearby to climb to the roof. This was and apparently still is a predilection of his, climbing things (he's now dating a trapeze artist. MAKES PERFECT SENSE, SERIOUSLY.) I thought for a second, and said "There's an elementary school that---" and before I could finish, he's pushing me out the door. We reach the grounds, and start climbing onto a dumpster, then to the janitorial doorway roof, then to the ACTUAL roof. I had some trouble trying to jump from level to level, equating it laughingly with Mario leaping from man-eating plant to brick wall, but C. does his best to pull me along and motivate me.
We saw each other a couple of times during the following week, either going to a playground near him or hanging out at my house. Then he said "My parents are gonna be gone for a long weekend, wanna stay over?" It was a very bipolar long weekend; veering from the childish fun we'd been having to his being very moody the 3rd night. I didn't question him about it, feeling tired myself. Not quite what I'd had in mind. Thus began a pattern where we'd talk all day, but because of our work schedules and whatever he supposedly had to do for the family, we wouldn't have time to ourselves til the late evening. Again, NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND. It was starting to feel more like booty calls within an exclusive relationship. Beginning of the next month, I was going out to San Francisco for the 4th of July to see one of my best friends; which was not only a great trip anyway, but also good for ME since I had time to myself without him bugging me or monopolizing my mind.
Upon returning, we saw each other CONSTANTLY again. A long-term temp job was lined up, so I had good money in my pocket and something to further distract me from some doubts I was starting to have about C. After a couple more lovely weekends, the [somewhat] unexpected happened, and he said he couldn't handle the long-distance when he went back to school. I was devastated, but honestly, I realize now that I would've gotten over him MUCH faster if he just stopped talking to me after we had a tearful goodbye. Many of you out there have likely had the terrible experience of having fun with a guy for a few dates, then you sleep with him and then never hear from him again; you know, THAT sort of sleaziness. Maybe it's just "the grass is always greener" mentality, but I really would've preferred that to being strung along forever (i.e. almost an entire year. You tell me what you'd rather have when your "sort-of ex" makes a point of repeatedly saying "I miss you! By the way, I'm sleeping with other people!") I laugh at myself now for being hung-up on him for so long when we really didn't have that much to talk about, but perhaps it's the classic "First Love" scenario.
WHAT I LEARNED: I will never, never, EVER let a man/boy completely take over my mind. When we split, I noticed I'd sort of let my own interests slip away from me - so it was a blessing-in-disguise: I rediscovered my drawings, my music, actual movies and not just cartoons...good stuff. To paraphrase Helen Gurley Brown, "A man should be an addition to your life; not take it over." Bryan Ferry may have sang "Love is the Drug", but remember that those lyrics are about *lust* more than "love". And there was my issue with C. - lots of fun, we did care about each other, but if he REALLY did care for me, he would've tried to make a go of it. And I can't let lust get in the way of my own self-preservation and sanity - or at the very least, go into a situation knowing that anything can happen, so I can't get my hopes up in the short-term. But it doesn't mean I can't handle some fun in the meantime...
NEXT TIME: bouncing back into the dating scene; focusing on ME; lessons on men from Mae West & friends.
Not having seen C. in close to 3 weeks was killing me after having 3 intense "dates". My co-workers teased and were excited for me, since they knew this was my first recurring date-partner/sorta-boyfriend. Since he said he wouldn't be into town til closer to 6 and I was done at 5, I figured I'd get the El and change my clothes in Suburban Station before waiting in the park. Yet when I left the courtyard at work and started to turn down the street to the El, who should be waiting outside?
The rest of the time was our typical "date" - making out in public, laughing a lot. I asked if he wanted to come to my house the next night when I was home from work, since then on Sunday I didn't have to go anywhere. The answer was yes.
Again, the next day was crazy. We ate real quick, and he asked if there was anywhere nearby to climb to the roof. This was and apparently still is a predilection of his, climbing things (he's now dating a trapeze artist. MAKES PERFECT SENSE, SERIOUSLY.) I thought for a second, and said "There's an elementary school that---" and before I could finish, he's pushing me out the door. We reach the grounds, and start climbing onto a dumpster, then to the janitorial doorway roof, then to the ACTUAL roof. I had some trouble trying to jump from level to level, equating it laughingly with Mario leaping from man-eating plant to brick wall, but C. does his best to pull me along and motivate me.
We saw each other a couple of times during the following week, either going to a playground near him or hanging out at my house. Then he said "My parents are gonna be gone for a long weekend, wanna stay over?" It was a very bipolar long weekend; veering from the childish fun we'd been having to his being very moody the 3rd night. I didn't question him about it, feeling tired myself. Not quite what I'd had in mind. Thus began a pattern where we'd talk all day, but because of our work schedules and whatever he supposedly had to do for the family, we wouldn't have time to ourselves til the late evening. Again, NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND. It was starting to feel more like booty calls within an exclusive relationship. Beginning of the next month, I was going out to San Francisco for the 4th of July to see one of my best friends; which was not only a great trip anyway, but also good for ME since I had time to myself without him bugging me or monopolizing my mind.
Upon returning, we saw each other CONSTANTLY again. A long-term temp job was lined up, so I had good money in my pocket and something to further distract me from some doubts I was starting to have about C. After a couple more lovely weekends, the [somewhat] unexpected happened, and he said he couldn't handle the long-distance when he went back to school. I was devastated, but honestly, I realize now that I would've gotten over him MUCH faster if he just stopped talking to me after we had a tearful goodbye. Many of you out there have likely had the terrible experience of having fun with a guy for a few dates, then you sleep with him and then never hear from him again; you know, THAT sort of sleaziness. Maybe it's just "the grass is always greener" mentality, but I really would've preferred that to being strung along forever (i.e. almost an entire year. You tell me what you'd rather have when your "sort-of ex" makes a point of repeatedly saying "I miss you! By the way, I'm sleeping with other people!") I laugh at myself now for being hung-up on him for so long when we really didn't have that much to talk about, but perhaps it's the classic "First Love" scenario.
WHAT I LEARNED: I will never, never, EVER let a man/boy completely take over my mind. When we split, I noticed I'd sort of let my own interests slip away from me - so it was a blessing-in-disguise: I rediscovered my drawings, my music, actual movies and not just cartoons...good stuff. To paraphrase Helen Gurley Brown, "A man should be an addition to your life; not take it over." Bryan Ferry may have sang "Love is the Drug", but remember that those lyrics are about *lust* more than "love". And there was my issue with C. - lots of fun, we did care about each other, but if he REALLY did care for me, he would've tried to make a go of it. And I can't let lust get in the way of my own self-preservation and sanity - or at the very least, go into a situation knowing that anything can happen, so I can't get my hopes up in the short-term. But it doesn't mean I can't handle some fun in the meantime...
NEXT TIME: bouncing back into the dating scene; focusing on ME; lessons on men from Mae West & friends.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
The Blurs of Summer
When last I wrote, I was speaking of a certain boy who was wooing me via Internet. From here on out (and he will be a regular feature for a while), I'm referring to him as "C."
C. IM's me every evening beginning in mid-April, making flirty comments on my away messages, and we friend each other on Facebook. We discuss meeting in person sometime, and I coyly ask for his number "to simplify the possible meeting-up" - and he immediately starts sending me pictures of himself. At the time, I didn't have a camera-phone yet, so I would send him pictures via AIM. One evening while chatting, we start listing things we personally want to do over the summer. I say how much I'd want to see the upcoming Cezanne exhibit at the art museum. Looking up the prices on the website, I add "Nevermind, it's like $23 each." Then he adds "WELL I have a family membership, so actually we could get in for free..." Color me excited.
The day of: Giddy and throwing on my carefully-chosen outfit (teal-colored skinny jeans, a pop-art Marilyn Monroe shirt, leopard-print flats, a bright scarf in my hair and a hoodie just in case), I somehow ate a sandwich, repainted my nails, and then ran out the door to the train, barely paying attention to whatever music was coming in through my iPod. He was also taking his train in from the Main Line, and we agreed to find each other in Suburban Station. Awkwardly looking around, I suddenly notice a skinny and very cute boy with chin-length hair & wearing a backpack looking at me - so we smile, introduce ourselves formally, and start off racing each other up the steps to the street. We begin walking up the Ben Franklin Parkway to the museum, laughing, joking, and running around. When we enter the museum and quickly go through the exhibit, sneaking up on each other amongst all the seriousness. He asked if there was anything else I really wanted to see, so I pulled him along through the modern section of the museum, pointing out the pieces I love - finally ending at the Duchamp room. We sat on the bench in the middle of the room, and while I try to explain Duchamp's two-glass-paned "The Bride Stripped Bare by Her Bachelors", C. leans over and rests his head on my shoulder.
In the meantime before getting dinner, he suggested we hang out in the bit of park space behind the art museum. Of course we couldn't just walk down to the grass; we had to climb down the giant rocks - conveniently creating an opportunity for me to stumble into his arms. We go to sit in the park, but instead of the benches, C. throws his bag to the ground next to a tree, and flops down on the grass. I do the same. We start laughing, quoting cartoons, then take the time to observe the relative quiet despite being only a block or two away from the busy parkway. I can't take it anymore, and turn to kiss him. Thus begins a good hour of makeouts, cuddling, and giggling - all in public. Starting to feel hungry, we begin walking up the parkway back to Center City, and he makes a point of holding my hand. Dinner was lovely. Suddenly it's 10 PM, and we go "Oh, erm, guess we should be going home." We discuss whether to meet again the next day, or over the weekend. While we're waiting for our trains, he grabs a little notebook out of his bag, tells me to close my eyes, and scribbles something. I hear him rip the page out, and reaches over me to put it in my purse. "Don't read it until you're on the way home." His train comes first, he kisses me goodbye, and I start to read the note: "HOLY CRAP! Art museum + you + cuddles + sushi + makeouts = WIN. I can't wait to see you again. C."
My mom picks me up from the train, and immediately turns her nose up at the fact that I had a giant lovebite on the side of my neck. Whoops. Really not good as the next day was college graduation. That next morning, I use a ton of foundation to cover my neck, and try to fashion a scarf around despite it being mid-May and a bit warm for even light scarves. After the ceremony and after I get pictures taken with a friend, my phone goes off from C. wishing me congratulations and that he has a present for me. So obviously we could see each other that evening, time TBD. Later on, he met me on the platform, and you might've thought we hadn't seen each other in MONTHS rather than hours. We get sushi again, and sit up on the mostly-empty 3rd floor of the Gallery mall. He makes me close my eyes once again, and attempts to put something in my hair - it falls and I see that it's an enormous bright-blue flower. More cuddle-fests ensue. He reminds me that he was going to be gone for about 3 weeks to the Southwest for a class trip, so did we want to get together before then?
The next day I had work and he had to start packing for his trip. My co-workers yelled at me about having lovebites: "What are you, 15?!" My retort was continually as follows: "I didn't do this when I was 15! I'm making up for lost time!" Just as I stepped off the train back home, my phone buzzed, with C. saying "I think I'm in <3 w. u". (At the time, I was practically melting...now I think that should've been a sign of problems. But I'm getting ahead of myself.) He messaged me later in the evening to say I should come out to his house the next night (Saturday) for a sleepover, as he was leaving on Sunday.
So Saturday comes - I had work til 5, then C. had called me earlier in the day to say he was going to a Magic tournament (remember that card game? It's STILL AROUND), and wasn't gonna be back til 7:30ish, so could I wait for a later train? Wandered around town for a bit, then got on his train out to the Main Line. Arrived, and we got to his house, running around outside, then watching stuff on Youtube for most of the evening.
Next day, we woke up - immediately starting to make out. And his dad walked in on us (what is this, high school?) During his trip, C. made sure to call me every night, and usually texted at least once during the day. One day at work, I realized I'd turned my phone off - so during lunch, I turned it on, waiting a few minutes to see if a text or voicemail came through. Sure enough, there was a voicemail: an adorable one from C., saying that he was on a roof of somewhere in New Mexico, and just wanted to say that he missed me and while he was enjoying the trip, couldn't wait to be back home.
Another day at work, my dad called to say a postcard had come in from New Mexico with a road runner on it. Before he said anything, I knew who sent it. My dad read the card aloud, much to my chagrin - finally going "OH IT WAS FROM C."
WHAT I LEARNED: I had become a master at flirting (with the right person, of course). Capable of keeping someone's attention even while they're across the country. I had become increasingly comfortable with being, uh, "physical".
NEXT TIME: personal responsibility, outdoor adventures, the idea of sorta-"booty calls" within a relationship.
C. IM's me every evening beginning in mid-April, making flirty comments on my away messages, and we friend each other on Facebook. We discuss meeting in person sometime, and I coyly ask for his number "to simplify the possible meeting-up" - and he immediately starts sending me pictures of himself. At the time, I didn't have a camera-phone yet, so I would send him pictures via AIM. One evening while chatting, we start listing things we personally want to do over the summer. I say how much I'd want to see the upcoming Cezanne exhibit at the art museum. Looking up the prices on the website, I add "Nevermind, it's like $23 each." Then he adds "WELL I have a family membership, so actually we could get in for free..." Color me excited.
The day of: Giddy and throwing on my carefully-chosen outfit (teal-colored skinny jeans, a pop-art Marilyn Monroe shirt, leopard-print flats, a bright scarf in my hair and a hoodie just in case), I somehow ate a sandwich, repainted my nails, and then ran out the door to the train, barely paying attention to whatever music was coming in through my iPod. He was also taking his train in from the Main Line, and we agreed to find each other in Suburban Station. Awkwardly looking around, I suddenly notice a skinny and very cute boy with chin-length hair & wearing a backpack looking at me - so we smile, introduce ourselves formally, and start off racing each other up the steps to the street. We begin walking up the Ben Franklin Parkway to the museum, laughing, joking, and running around. When we enter the museum and quickly go through the exhibit, sneaking up on each other amongst all the seriousness. He asked if there was anything else I really wanted to see, so I pulled him along through the modern section of the museum, pointing out the pieces I love - finally ending at the Duchamp room. We sat on the bench in the middle of the room, and while I try to explain Duchamp's two-glass-paned "The Bride Stripped Bare by Her Bachelors", C. leans over and rests his head on my shoulder.
In the meantime before getting dinner, he suggested we hang out in the bit of park space behind the art museum. Of course we couldn't just walk down to the grass; we had to climb down the giant rocks - conveniently creating an opportunity for me to stumble into his arms. We go to sit in the park, but instead of the benches, C. throws his bag to the ground next to a tree, and flops down on the grass. I do the same. We start laughing, quoting cartoons, then take the time to observe the relative quiet despite being only a block or two away from the busy parkway. I can't take it anymore, and turn to kiss him. Thus begins a good hour of makeouts, cuddling, and giggling - all in public. Starting to feel hungry, we begin walking up the parkway back to Center City, and he makes a point of holding my hand. Dinner was lovely. Suddenly it's 10 PM, and we go "Oh, erm, guess we should be going home." We discuss whether to meet again the next day, or over the weekend. While we're waiting for our trains, he grabs a little notebook out of his bag, tells me to close my eyes, and scribbles something. I hear him rip the page out, and reaches over me to put it in my purse. "Don't read it until you're on the way home." His train comes first, he kisses me goodbye, and I start to read the note: "HOLY CRAP! Art museum + you + cuddles + sushi + makeouts = WIN. I can't wait to see you again. C."
My mom picks me up from the train, and immediately turns her nose up at the fact that I had a giant lovebite on the side of my neck. Whoops. Really not good as the next day was college graduation. That next morning, I use a ton of foundation to cover my neck, and try to fashion a scarf around despite it being mid-May and a bit warm for even light scarves. After the ceremony and after I get pictures taken with a friend, my phone goes off from C. wishing me congratulations and that he has a present for me. So obviously we could see each other that evening, time TBD. Later on, he met me on the platform, and you might've thought we hadn't seen each other in MONTHS rather than hours. We get sushi again, and sit up on the mostly-empty 3rd floor of the Gallery mall. He makes me close my eyes once again, and attempts to put something in my hair - it falls and I see that it's an enormous bright-blue flower. More cuddle-fests ensue. He reminds me that he was going to be gone for about 3 weeks to the Southwest for a class trip, so did we want to get together before then?
The next day I had work and he had to start packing for his trip. My co-workers yelled at me about having lovebites: "What are you, 15?!" My retort was continually as follows: "I didn't do this when I was 15! I'm making up for lost time!" Just as I stepped off the train back home, my phone buzzed, with C. saying "I think I'm in <3 w. u". (At the time, I was practically melting...now I think that should've been a sign of problems. But I'm getting ahead of myself.) He messaged me later in the evening to say I should come out to his house the next night (Saturday) for a sleepover, as he was leaving on Sunday.
So Saturday comes - I had work til 5, then C. had called me earlier in the day to say he was going to a Magic tournament (remember that card game? It's STILL AROUND), and wasn't gonna be back til 7:30ish, so could I wait for a later train? Wandered around town for a bit, then got on his train out to the Main Line. Arrived, and we got to his house, running around outside, then watching stuff on Youtube for most of the evening.
Next day, we woke up - immediately starting to make out. And his dad walked in on us (what is this, high school?) During his trip, C. made sure to call me every night, and usually texted at least once during the day. One day at work, I realized I'd turned my phone off - so during lunch, I turned it on, waiting a few minutes to see if a text or voicemail came through. Sure enough, there was a voicemail: an adorable one from C., saying that he was on a roof of somewhere in New Mexico, and just wanted to say that he missed me and while he was enjoying the trip, couldn't wait to be back home.
Another day at work, my dad called to say a postcard had come in from New Mexico with a road runner on it. Before he said anything, I knew who sent it. My dad read the card aloud, much to my chagrin - finally going "OH IT WAS FROM C."
WHAT I LEARNED: I had become a master at flirting (with the right person, of course). Capable of keeping someone's attention even while they're across the country. I had become increasingly comfortable with being, uh, "physical".
NEXT TIME: personal responsibility, outdoor adventures, the idea of sorta-"booty calls" within a relationship.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
The Boys To Avoid (at least in my case)
Before I continue, here's something for guys and dolls alike: if you're meeting someone new who appears to have potential for something more...DON'T TALK ABOUT, DON'T EVEN MENTION YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIPS/PARTNERS. I'm guilty of doing it, but only *after* the boy in question begins to do so. It creates a strange jealousy and despite the fact that you may consider yourself very self-confident, you suddenly have a need to constantly compare yourself to whatever stories they tell about their past partners. I also feel that it makes you seem like a victim all the time to your new boy/girl, while you'd rather be seen, as Austin Powers deemed himself, "an International Man[/Woman] of Mystery". What I like to do, if I find myself talking about the past, is go "Whoa whoa, wasted enough time on him...let's talk about you." Sounds stupid, but wouldn't you rather laugh and be flirtatious than go into a downer conversation? (Oddly I always seem to be the sanest girl they've ever been out with. Hmm!)
Anyway, where was I...after the failed date on PlentyOfFish, I continued looking on that site. The milieu of single baby-daddies and high-school dropouts isn't exactly attractive to a soon-to-be COLLEGE GRADUATE (this is late March of '09), so I deleted my profile and Googled for more free dating sites. OKCupid was the first one listed. Building my page, I let loose with everything I could think of that described me. Then I went back and edited - guys don't want to read a term paper, they want a description of YOU. If you're at all familiar with the site, you know that they match you with similar users by answering questions; concerning anything from sexual kinks to personal ethics and values. After going through all that (and even before I answered an absurd amount of questions), again I was messaged almost the second my profile was posted. Fastidiously, I went through my "Matches", hiding the ones who didn't catch my eye. By the end of that week (if memory serves, it was the first week of April), I was asked out by someone with whom I'd been chit-chatting. I laughed hysterically that he'd felt the need to warn me via IM that he was short, and of course I'm quite petite, so that didn't bother me.
Ladies, let's just say I was glad I didn't overdo it and wear kitten heels. I would've TOWERED over this dude. Deciding to just hit the campus 7-11 and then hang out, we made fun of the hippies playing music, the bros trying to hit on passing girls, and discussed a little bit of everything. But while the conversation was a lot easier, again we were lacking on similarity or even cohesiveness. He was an engineer, so he could talk about math/science-y things; while I can talk about anything artsy and abstract. I tried to find a middle ground, but there seemed to be none. Then and there I thought "Engineers are not for me. They're too logical." [Yet I stupidly kept giving them a chance.] We parted for the evening, and a couple of days later, I received a message on OKCupid from him saying "It was fun, but you're not my type. Bye." It barely registered as something to think about.
The next week, after exchanging a good 10 emails back and forth, another engineering major asked me to meet up. A very unconventional date, playing frisbee in Rittenhouse Square. YAY, an engineer who likes to have fun! Then we wasted the rest of the time walking around, sitting in the park and having awkward convos. I gotta say, it was extremely shocking to hear him speak and then be completely unable to disassociate him from one of my best guy friends since he had the exact same voice. Needless to say, that went nowhere.
The NEXT week (or maybe it was the same week), yet another engineer asked me out. To Starbucks. (Yawn). He played tennis so we had that in common, and I think we talked about TV shows at least. But it was still terrible, having to think of things to discuss. The highlight of that afternoon was AFTER I left the date, to go buy art supplies. So you can tell how well that went.
Starting to feel burned out already, and vaguely starting to understand Ann Reinking (Katie)'s freakout in "All That Jazz", about how she's tired of the small-talk necessary in dating, one morning I awake to find a message from a very cute and silly boy who actually lived out near me at home (in the suburbs.) He'd never come up in my matches since I had mine limited by distance by 50 miles - and since he'd listed his profile as Harrisburg for school, but was actually from the Main Line, he'd opened his distance a bit wider. We started chatting about the little and basic things, playing games of "Questions" (a la the "Whose Line is it Anyway" game, where you have a conversation only with questions.) Then I made a quick mention about cartoons, never suspecting that he would flip with enthusiasm and we could trade all these pieces of information and share a love of animation that I'd rarely found with anyone outside of my childhood best friends. By this point we'd already moved from talking on the site and to AIM (those were the days), where he surprised me by commenting on my away messages; one in particular quoting "the Look of Love" covered by the Zombies - the lyric "Let's make a lover's file and then seal it with a kiss" - his comment: "I like that idea". Flirty McFlirtster, right there.
What did I learn: again, engineers were apparently just not for me. STILL aren't, in fact. Realized that I'm not *as* socially-awkward as these boys were. But I was getting better at at least TRYING to manufacture some conversation. I hate to quote a cliche but it may be truth after all as some of you can attest: "you come across somebody special when you're not even looking." Found it to be true by this point...
NEXT TIME: the art of online flirting; best first & second dates ever; modern love letters.
Anyway, where was I...after the failed date on PlentyOfFish, I continued looking on that site. The milieu of single baby-daddies and high-school dropouts isn't exactly attractive to a soon-to-be COLLEGE GRADUATE (this is late March of '09), so I deleted my profile and Googled for more free dating sites. OKCupid was the first one listed. Building my page, I let loose with everything I could think of that described me. Then I went back and edited - guys don't want to read a term paper, they want a description of YOU. If you're at all familiar with the site, you know that they match you with similar users by answering questions; concerning anything from sexual kinks to personal ethics and values. After going through all that (and even before I answered an absurd amount of questions), again I was messaged almost the second my profile was posted. Fastidiously, I went through my "Matches", hiding the ones who didn't catch my eye. By the end of that week (if memory serves, it was the first week of April), I was asked out by someone with whom I'd been chit-chatting. I laughed hysterically that he'd felt the need to warn me via IM that he was short, and of course I'm quite petite, so that didn't bother me.
Ladies, let's just say I was glad I didn't overdo it and wear kitten heels. I would've TOWERED over this dude. Deciding to just hit the campus 7-11 and then hang out, we made fun of the hippies playing music, the bros trying to hit on passing girls, and discussed a little bit of everything. But while the conversation was a lot easier, again we were lacking on similarity or even cohesiveness. He was an engineer, so he could talk about math/science-y things; while I can talk about anything artsy and abstract. I tried to find a middle ground, but there seemed to be none. Then and there I thought "Engineers are not for me. They're too logical." [Yet I stupidly kept giving them a chance.] We parted for the evening, and a couple of days later, I received a message on OKCupid from him saying "It was fun, but you're not my type. Bye." It barely registered as something to think about.
The next week, after exchanging a good 10 emails back and forth, another engineering major asked me to meet up. A very unconventional date, playing frisbee in Rittenhouse Square. YAY, an engineer who likes to have fun! Then we wasted the rest of the time walking around, sitting in the park and having awkward convos. I gotta say, it was extremely shocking to hear him speak and then be completely unable to disassociate him from one of my best guy friends since he had the exact same voice. Needless to say, that went nowhere.
The NEXT week (or maybe it was the same week), yet another engineer asked me out. To Starbucks. (Yawn). He played tennis so we had that in common, and I think we talked about TV shows at least. But it was still terrible, having to think of things to discuss. The highlight of that afternoon was AFTER I left the date, to go buy art supplies. So you can tell how well that went.
Starting to feel burned out already, and vaguely starting to understand Ann Reinking (Katie)'s freakout in "All That Jazz", about how she's tired of the small-talk necessary in dating, one morning I awake to find a message from a very cute and silly boy who actually lived out near me at home (in the suburbs.) He'd never come up in my matches since I had mine limited by distance by 50 miles - and since he'd listed his profile as Harrisburg for school, but was actually from the Main Line, he'd opened his distance a bit wider. We started chatting about the little and basic things, playing games of "Questions" (a la the "Whose Line is it Anyway" game, where you have a conversation only with questions.) Then I made a quick mention about cartoons, never suspecting that he would flip with enthusiasm and we could trade all these pieces of information and share a love of animation that I'd rarely found with anyone outside of my childhood best friends. By this point we'd already moved from talking on the site and to AIM (those were the days), where he surprised me by commenting on my away messages; one in particular quoting "the Look of Love" covered by the Zombies - the lyric "Let's make a lover's file and then seal it with a kiss" - his comment: "I like that idea". Flirty McFlirtster, right there.
What did I learn: again, engineers were apparently just not for me. STILL aren't, in fact. Realized that I'm not *as* socially-awkward as these boys were. But I was getting better at at least TRYING to manufacture some conversation. I hate to quote a cliche but it may be truth after all as some of you can attest: "you come across somebody special when you're not even looking." Found it to be true by this point...
NEXT TIME: the art of online flirting; best first & second dates ever; modern love letters.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Were you dateless in high school too?
Hey hey, everybody! So, after a couple of suggestions, I've decided I'll put what I've learned and experienced in the dating world down on what is well-known as "the Interwebs". Keep in mind this is primarily from using OKCupid, apart from a couple of real-life blind dates. I'm going to try to do it in sections, one guy at a time per entry; or multiple people per entry if the dates consisted of ONE meeting. Details will include what I thought we had in common, what we did on that date, and why it didn't work.
Special Features include:
-ANALYZING OF THE GOOD OL' QUESTION 'WHY WAS I WITH HIM'!
-WHAT I'VE LEARNED FROM EACH PERSON, EITHER ABOUT MYSELF OR DATING IN GENERAL!
-ADVENTURES IN TRYING OUT DATING SITES!
-And perhaps most useful to everybody out there, HOW TO SPOT A WEIRDO ONLINE!
After I get through these, or depending on demand and questions/suggestions you may have, I will write on other important topics. But...here goes:
Special Features include:
-ANALYZING OF THE GOOD OL' QUESTION 'WHY WAS I WITH HIM'!
-WHAT I'VE LEARNED FROM EACH PERSON, EITHER ABOUT MYSELF OR DATING IN GENERAL!
-ADVENTURES IN TRYING OUT DATING SITES!
-And perhaps most useful to everybody out there, HOW TO SPOT A WEIRDO ONLINE!
After I get through these, or depending on demand and questions/suggestions you may have, I will write on other important topics. But...here goes:
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