Back to my "dating advice", pithy as it may be...while C. tries to string me along even after breaking up, I try dating new people. Nobody really catches my attention; takes me a good 4 months to actually GO OUT with someone else.
Awkward date, but what's funny about this guy is that more than a year later, when I am fully aware that he has a steady girlfriend (and the sort of girlfriend who CONSTANTLY writes on his Facebook wall "You're the best thing that ever happened to me, baby!"), he messages me to say hi, and on my birthday. Pleasant enough. However, he somehow transitions into saying "I can't stop thinking about you since we stopped in the Betsy Ross House [note: he and gf had stopped by, not knowing I'd be there a few months earlier.] You're really hot. And uh, we have an open relationship...I'd like you to be part of it."
My reply: "I'm flattered, but uh, I really like to be the only lady in a relationship...this kinda deal is not my style. Besides, seeing how sappy you and girlfriend are, is there even ROOM for a third person?!" So random. And if you saw this guy, your first reaction would not have been "Oh, creeper!" But then maybe it proves the cliche, "The quiet ones are who you need to watch out for."
I struggle through trying to cut my ties to C., or at least I SAY I was trying to cut them - really I should've bitten the bullet and just stopped going on Skype, deleted him out of my phone and IM...and Facebook...so all possible lines and temptations would be dropped. On a related note, I can't stand relationship manuals a la "He's Just Not That Into You", but I'm paraphrasing the line Drew Barrymore says in the film version: "There's so many ways now for a guy to ignore you! Technology sucks!" It's really true.
Got set up on a blind date that was ok, but he was annoying. Apparently I'm the only person he's met who has thought about getting her MA but didn't go straight into grad school after undergrad. He did prove to me though that in this shitty economy, at this point it barely matters what your MA is in; just as long as you have one. His example - undergrad in chemistry, MA in history of music...working at the water company. See? Pointless MA, except he's probably paid well.
One of my co-workers had consistently told me that the best way to get over someone was to make out with someone new. It at least refocuses your attention. Boy was she right! More than a year after breaking up with C., I had a second date with someone that was semi-promising and kinda whirlwind (in that I didn't know I was that attractive to him) - and we had a crazy makeout fest in his apartment. I stayed over, nothing more happened, but I was secretly ecstatic that all that frustration was out of my system and I felt FREE. Cuddles don't hurt either. Yet boys will be boys, and I guess he was pissed that I wouldn't sleep with him. So he flipped out a couple days later and I was upset for exactly 5 minutes, before realizing that my heart wasn't heavy anymore, I felt more light on my feet, and how much all that "first love" bullshit is true - it really stays with you regardless of how long it lasted. But once there's someone new...the heartbreak fades. Time to get back out there!
So I finally make a profile on Match.com, just to see if there's anybody more serious than the booty-calls I consistently received on OKCupid. I'd always snubbed the idea before, not agreeing with the concept of "paying to date" (thus the title of this post.) I suddenly noticed a boy that kept popping up on my searches on OKCupid, and we kept looking at each others' profiles but hadn't talked yet - so I messaged him and said "Hey! Fancy seeing you here." Next thing I know, he'd IM'd me on OKCupid. We immediately hit it off, laughing, talking about music, movies, pop culture...you know, dumb stuff. But then we had in-depth convos about politics, something I had certainly never talked about with C. Forget that, with C., we barely had the same music taste, which is usually my go-to topic. Anyway, this new boy, T., messages me every day that week, and finally asks me out for the following weekend. We go out to the art museum (my favorite, obviously), then out to sushi (again...), and he drives me to the train station. I go in to hug, and he sneaks a kiss which I didn't expect. I laugh and look at him, and he smiles "I wanted to see if I could get away with it". Charmed, I hug him again and sneak-attack a kiss in return. I winked and got out of the car, skipping into the station.
Looking back, I wonder what was so attractive about me that day - I wasn't particularly dressed up, just in jeans, my Duran Duran "Rio" tee (as we bonded over that album), hoodie and flats. I was kind of a basketcase, still getting over my previous issues and still being nervous on a promising date - but T. was and is a good listener. Our second date was fantastic the next weekend, where he took me to a hookah bar and I got up to dance with the belly-dancer. Then we just hung out at his place watching "Always Sunny in Philadelphia" DVDs, Youtube clips...and having amazing makeout sessions. Then we didn't see each other for a good six months due to a number of unforeseen circumstances, namely that his father became seriously ill and a relationship wasn't in the radar. Stupidly I was selfish and was hurt; it wasn't anything against me. Anyway, we saw each other again this past April, hit it off without kisses. Just having fun hanging out and talking. Then over the past month we've hung out three times, all without being alone (ahem). But at least it's been ACTUAL DATES (dinner/wandering around the city; dinner & a movie; dinner & a hayride), in that we're going places that don't always involve drinking and then just going home. While I do still really like him and I should just be the aggressor, in case he's not aware of my attraction - I was aggressive last year after our makeout fests. That didn't work out. And now he's living at home, working retail, doing a certificate program (as I'm finishing mine), life not really working out as he'd like...I'm just being friendly and awesome. But he HAS shown interest in coming out to my house to hang out. So we'll see what happens.
WHAT I LEARNED: While it's socially acceptable now for ladies to be the aggressor in a potential relationship, we also have to look at the whole picture of what's going on - i.e. what else is our boytoy up to in life? Parental issues, work frustrations, and so forth that may force them to not have a girl involved? Just be cool, and look, a year later, we're back on the same page. Even more so, perhaps.
NEXT TIME: Backtracking a bit to everybody this year. In short - short-term goth boy; making friends through one-off hookups; some more "Summer Lovin'" without the "love" but all the fun...mostly.
